recently, pathetic mode was turned on for I-don't-know-what-reason, which totally has brought me, struggling with my own emotions and so forth. these lame thoughts suddenly came crossing my mind. I tried to ignore, yet I couldn't. there was a day when I woke up unenergetically unlike the other usual days, and it went for the whole day. I spent quarter of my day in gymnasium, putting on headphone with maximum volume and exercised while I was drowning in my own thoughts. alone.
one night, I posted something in my instagram; a picture of KLCC with a long caption that represented what I felt. to be honest, I didn't think twice before I posted it, which I should hv known that that caption would give a huge feedback as a result. and yes it was. let me make it clear. I don't mind what had happened before, as 'they' belong to each other and so on, but this irresistible insecurity that suddenly appeared was when I realized that this person is now friends with my best friends. is that a big deal?
for me, the answer is yes. that broke me apart, y' know. because suddenly, that painful feeling, that painful heartache, that painful memories came flashing back in front of me. too painful to bear. alrite, do assume that I'm immature enough to act like a kid. but if you were in my shoes, you would understand. anyway, I realize that I have no right to be mad or sad, cause that person never did anything wrong towards my best friends so yeah, let them be. I'll be fine. cause I've told one of my best friends abt this and what he told me was, I'll forever be his best friend and bla bla which, alhamdulillah I thank Allah for giving me them, the understanding ones.
my family and friends do matter the most to me. so no matter what happens to them, it would affect me too :( guys? I don't need anyone at this moment. 'guys are all the same'. wahahaa I know right.
enough with that freggin crap. I'm okay.
anyway, welcome October! a hectic month, I bet. a ton of quizzes and assignments to be done. chill baby chill!