it feels good to be here, writing, expressing what I currently feel right now. anyway, I am fine, alhamdulillah, though I have a thought that I am sick again, wallahua'lam.
so yeahhh. how's life without instagram? why did I deactivate it at the very first place? few weeks ago, I came to the realisation that it had bored me to death and yeah again, I was stuck with all of those bloody insecurities and common stuffs that usually girls will face. I got tired of posting pictures, me looking good from up to toe, 'thick' make up and stuffs which I thought I've had enough. it was all about how many likes I got, and all praises that slowly killed me. oh Allah, I am sorry.
I read somewhere that women shouldn't be over exposed to public, showing their true beauty though they might have covered 'properly'. woman is a fitnah. however, beauty and women are inseparable. still, I do care abt my appearance anyway as a reason that it enhances my confidence level, which yeahhh that's typical. but again, I guess one of the ways for me to stop being so particular about how I dress up and how to look pretty, so that people would see me is by deactivating it. now I dress up like I am invisible. a bit.
maybe I am acting too dramatic or mainstream. but you don't know how it feels like when you've lost your own father, who would also be judged for what you have done in dunya, and you don't know what to do. cause you love him so much, you're afraid to live. you're afraid he would bear the consequences from your actions :(
eventually, we are going to die anyway and no one is too young to die.
however, without instagram, I've found it hard for me to keep updating about what my friends are up to... which also is one of the reasons why lately, I've been thinking to create a new private account just to stalk people. open only for close friends and girls. teheee. yeahh, I should get a life, isn't?istiqamah. why so hard.......
anyway, it's okay to own social networking accounts as long as everything is still under control. I was out of control. that's a different story.
I am still hoping that things will get better. changes and how to adapt. ease everything, ya Allah.
thanks for those who concern. ukhwah fillah inshaaAllah .