Friday, August 15, 2014

jiwa kosong

aku bukan diyana yang dulu. cengeng, kuat menangis. pengalaman banyak  mengajar aku erti hidup. aku tahu semua orang akan pergi tinggalkan aku. kalau bukan hari ini, mungkin esok atau entah bila. I wrote abt this several times before. I went through hard times. again and again. I even lost my dad. these all heartbreaking moments made me act this way. sehingga wujudlah diyana yang baru. keras hati, agak kasar dan tak peduli apa yg jadi. aku tak pernah salahkan Dia, sebab itu lumrah sebenar seorang hamba.

tapi pada waktu yg sama aku benci diri aku yg sekarang. I hurt people I love and I believe that's the best shield to secure my feelings. I can be cold sometimes, cause I don't wanna get attached to anyone or any temporary object/ feeling. but somehow I just feel like letting all my bloody emotions flow. I can't cry anymore. percaya tak? aku tak rasa ada lagi gland kt mata ni yang mengeluarkan air. and it's not good bcs crying is a good option to at least, put you at ease even for a moment.

I am struggling, you know... from everything.
kalau korang rasa aku kuat, sebenarnya aku tak.
cuma aku ambil jalan mudah utk tak fikir lebih2.
apa nak jadi, jadi.



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